Breaking Free from the Cult of Busyness: Discovering My True Priorities
My experience with burnout and the self-imposed expectation to be everything for everyone.
In February 2023, at 43 years old, I retired from my role as VP of R&D Operations at Arctic Wolf. After taking a one-month break from full-time work, I had hoped to feel refreshed and gain clarity on what my next big project would be.
I had not yet figured out what my "Next Big Thing" would be, but I had started with several smaller projects that I hoped would help me figure that out. I felt this would all come together over the summer.
We had a fantastic summer lined up, including a trip to the Cook Islands, a visit to my parent's cottage, and a few weeks of remote work on Vancouver Island while my 14-year-old daughter took a sea kayaking trip. I thought these experiences and the projects I worked on in the spring would allow me to reflect, rejuvenate, and realize what the “Next Big Thing” I would accomplish would be.
As the summer got closer I felt less and less motivated to work on all the different projects I had started, and I cringed inside every time I thought about my list of possible “Next Big Things.” Some of the items on this list included:
- Writing a book or weekly blog post about how to build a Unicorn Development team.
- Starting a consulting company to help founders of startups scale their development teams.
- Doubling down on Code Like A Girl to expand the writership and reach of the publication
- Expanding on my fractional COO role with Code Gem.
What was happening here? I finally had the time to do everything I wanted, but I wasn’t excited about it. These ideas began to feel more like expectations than dreams or goals. Expectations that I would continue to stretch myself and reach higher and farther than ever. Because that is what I have done my whole life, it was also evident in the many interactions I had with the tech community that this is also what they expected of me.
What I eventually realized was that these were signs of deep-seated burnout and that I was nowhere ready to embark on a new adventure that focused on achieving a new career goal.
I began to notice the signs of burnout slowly fading away.
I now realize that what I was seeing were the superficial signs of burnout fading away. I was less stressed, slept better at night, and had more energy. Those were great things, but I hadn’t learned to slow down.
For so many years, I had figured out how to optimize my time to do as many things as possible because that is what my life and goals demanded. I was a mother, wife, daughter, granddaughter, swim taxi for my daughter, a tech executive at a fast-growing Unicorn Company, publication editor of Code Like A Girl, Founder’s Institute mentor, Rogers Catalyst Board Member, professional speaker, mentor, and many more minor roles.
So, when I was faced with all this free time after leaving Arctic Wolf I felt not only had to fill it, but I had to fill it with things that made other people's lives better because if I wasn’t doing that, then what would my purpose in life be?
Over the spring, I read “Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving” by Celeste Headlee. Her explanation that our society glorifies “The Cult of Busyness” really hit home for me.
The “Cult of Busyness” is this societal pressure that tells us we must constantly be on the move, filling our schedules with endless tasks and commitments. In our culture, there’s this unspoken competition where the busier you are, the more your peers revere you. We strive to be the busiest, wearing it like a badge of honour. It’s as if we believe that being swamped with work, volunteering, and family commitments somehow validates our worth and importance and that without it, we are nobody.
Celest Headlee’s book brilliantly highlights the dangers of constantly filling our schedules with ‘should do’ tasks rather than focusing on activities that truly bring us joy and fulfillment. Like Headlee’s insights, I realized that I had been caught in the cycle of busyness, prioritizing external expectations over my well-being.
I was concerned about my cardiovascular fitness after noticing that walking on the beach in the Cook Islands was more strenuous than expected. During hikes on Vancouver Island, I found myself struggling and getting out of breath quickly. It was alarming to realize that at 43 years old, I was having difficulty walking without feeling winded.
The realization that I wasn’t as mentally or physically healthy as I thought made me think about what would be best for me over the next year. Headlee’s book reinforced my realization that taking care of oneself is not a luxury but a necessity. It gave me the clarity to understand that embarking on a new venture without addressing my burnout and physical well-being would be counterproductive.
One of the most potent lessons I gleaned from Celeste Headlee’s book was redefining success. It encouraged me to expand my definition of success beyond traditional career achievements. Instead, it urged me to place equal emphasis on personal fulfillment, happiness, and nurturing strong relationships.
For so long, success had been synonymous with career accomplishments and professional accolades. However, “Do Nothing” challenged me to consider the richness and depth of life beyond the confines of a bustling career. It prompted me to reflect on the value of contentment, the joy derived from meaningful connections, and the overall quality of life I was leading.
After many conversations with my Husband, we agreed I needed to prioritize self-care for the next phase of my journey. That would mean scaling back some of the things I started in the spring, saying no to new opportunities, and figuring out how I would get physically stronger.
I knew I loved swimming. It is the only cardio style workout I can even pretend to like. I also knew I would do better with a goal. So my daughter (a competitive swimmer) and I decided to try our first open-water swimming competition. To make it extra fun we would do it in Barbados. In a few weeks, I will swim 1,500 meters in the ocean! I started swimming three times a week to achieve this goal.
On average, women tend to lose about 3–5% of their muscle mass per decade after the age of 30. As a 44-year-old, I know that it is essential that I continue to combat this with strength training. This is the one thing I have been doing consistently over the last 8 years, and I felt my routine of 3 days a week was probably sufficient.
With strength training helping me combat muscle loss and swimming building my cardiovascular ability, I still had to address one more issue — stress-induced muscle tightness that, over the last 20 years, has caused headaches, back pain, bursitis, and piriformis syndrome. My back improved a lot when I started working out regularly 8 years ago, but my neck and head were just as bad as ever, and I had recently been diagnosed with bursitis and piriformis syndrome in my right hip.
I thought that Pilates could help me with these issues, but deep down, I knew that I would not be able to do it on my own. I have attempted many different self-driven programs in the past, but I only manage to successfully work out three times a week because I either do it with my husband or with my trainer. Creating a workout plan alone is a mental barrier I can’t seem to overcome.
For pilates, I knew I had to find a studio because doing it alone at home would not happen. In early September, I started at Club Pilates in Waterloo. It has been fantastic. It’s challenging, but I am improving my flexibility. I have not had a neck tension headache in over a month, whereas it used to be a weekly occurrence.
My husband and I also consciously decided to incorporate daily walks into our routine, aiming for 5,000 steps daily in addition to our regular workouts. This intentional practice not only contributes to our physical well-being, but it has also become a cherished opportunity for us to strengthen our bond. We’ve discovered that it’s not just about the steps; it’s about the shared moments, the conversations, and the simple joy of being together. In aligning with ‘Do Nothing’s’ insight on the importance of meaningful relationships, we’ve found that these walks have become a cornerstone of our journey towards a more fulfilling life.
I also knew that to be happy, I would need to stimulate my brain and not just focus on my physical health. What I realized over the spring and summer is that I LOVE mentoring people and startups. I love working with them and helping them succeed. I love problem-solving and strategizing with them.
I also realized I love reading and editing Code Like a Girl articles. I love spending time on Medium scouting out new authors and inviting them to write for Code Like A Girl. I need to be mindful that I don’t focus on view counts too much, but just enough that I know I am helping to amplify their voices. It truly makes my heart happy to do it.
As I reflect on this journey, it’s clear that the path to fulfillment isn’t always about forging ahead into the next big thing. Eight months ago, I retired from a fast-paced career, eager to uncover my “Next Big Thing.” Little did I know that true rejuvenation wouldn’t be found in a whirlwind of new projects but in the deliberate act of slowing down and redefining success.
The book “Do Nothing” by Celeste Headlee helped me realize how much I had been caught up in the Cult of Busyness, always feeling the pressure to constantly be doing something and equating my worth with my level of productivity. It made me question the value of keeping myself busy and encouraged me to focus on what matters. Now, I’m trying to prioritize the things that bring me joy and fulfillment instead of just filling my schedule with endless tasks.
Self-care has been transformative for me. Swimming and Pilates have strengthened my body and brought balance and well-being. Going on daily walks with my spouse has brought us closer together and reinforced the importance of meaningful connections.
Mentoring and nurturing voices in the tech community, mainly through Code Like A Girl, Rogers CyberSecure Catalyst and the Founder’s Institute, has become a source of profound joy and purpose. It’s a reminder that success isn’t just measured in career milestones but in the lives we touch and the opportunities we create for others.
Through my journey of self-discovery, I have learned that success is not limited to professional accomplishments. It can be found in caring for oneself, building solid relationships, and empowering others. Achieving balance in physical and mental well-being is crucial, and sometimes, the most significant successes are the ones that are not applauded publicly.
Have you ever felt caught in the whirlwind of busyness, and if so, what small step could you take today to prioritize your own well-being and redefine your path to fulfillment?
